by Peter Knight | Jan 2, 2017 | Diary |
Bloggish Day 3 — I’m finding out today that its difficult to just let go. Every day for a while, I’ve always monitored Julian’s sleep. Being on vacation staying here at my parents’ place for the past week, we’ve all slept in the same room. And every time that Julian may just hesitate in his sleep, I’m jolted awake wondering if he’s okay…
He has nightmares every night for as long as I can remember. Sometimes, they are just small quivers that wake him. Other times, they may get violent — where he kicks and punches. Nonetheless, all the time, what calms him is that I hug him tight and let him know that Daddy is right here. This calms him back to a restful slumber.
I know the day is going to come that I need to let his non-quiet slumbers ride out, and their own resolutions will make be. He may be ready for this day… But, I just am not.. not just yet.
by Peter Knight | Jan 1, 2017 | Diary |
Bloggish Day 2 – Driving in the car earlier, the whole family talked about what our New Years resolutions were going to be for 2017…
Megan: “I wanted to complete three songs, or at least two songs, by the time of the BTS concert on April 1st. This way, my trip to LA and the BTS concert will be my first blog video.”
Julian: “To visit every theme park I can! Disneyland, Legoland, everything-land. And eat all the candy I can!”
Elizabeth: “Number one – to take care of baby. Number two – to have a mommy makeover!”
Me: “Number one – to take care of baby. Number two – to write down the songs in my heart and head. Number three – play these songs live somewhere. Number four – not to limit myself fitness-wise. Train for a marathon.”
I’m just grateful that I think this year, I can try to get back on track. Last year, I had to take care of the work situation. Which is utterly important and foundational. As long as that’s cruising along now, time to progress along on other things.
by Peter Knight | Dec 31, 2016 | Diary |
Bloggish Day 1 — As we’re in the midst of our Christmas holiday, we’re visiting my family in New York City, and we usually play tourists. We ventured to Rockefeller Center and Times Square and it was a tough trek. We’re no longer New Yorkers and it’s just cumbersome to wear layers of sweaters and coats, while keeping mind of two children in twenty degree weather, navigating through swarms of other people doing the same. It’s easy to get stressfully lost and distracted in the crowd. But one has to keep their head on straight, I’m the parent after all – ultimate caregiver and provider of food and shelter.
At this one point, after hustling through crowds, feeling the perspiration build up behind my neck, all while alike a salmon swimming upstream, we suddenly spotted the Disney store. As difficult as it was to pry open the heavy doors, we all just tumbled inside like flopping fish on land.
Breathe.
“Let’s go upstairs! C’mon! C’mon! C’mon!” Julian yelled in glee, as he spotted the escalator. Looking at the rest of the family, they just sighed and ignored anything and everything. We were just content being there. Still. For a few moments.
“C’mon Da(bb)y!” he called again where “Dabby” was his recent nickname for me. “Okay, let’s go,” I replied. I figured instead of ignoring his pleas, he was just being excited. But I was honestly just out of breath.
We got on the escalator and I was able to grab a few moments. “Julian,” I asked, “What do you think will be up here?”
What he mentioned in the next few seconds just made so much sense to me – an enlightenment? You see, I never ventured out to be a parent. It wasn’t all on purpose. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t against anything. I just never proactively pursued parenthood. I guess I was just one of those that went with the flow. Want to have kids? Sure. How difficult could it be? It is seriously difficult. But it is seriously rewarding. I never would have thought that I would ever be so responsible for another person. That so much would be riding on me. But suddenly to realize that maybe I did some good here, makes it all worthwhile. Just to see the happiness in their eyes during moments like these. I would never trade this for anything…
“…I don’t know Da(bb)y,” Julian seemed content while we rode up the escalator answering my question, “I just wanted to be with you. Thank you Da(bb)y for bringing us here. I know you are tired, and I am too excited. But you are a good Da(bb)y and you take good care of me.”
by Peter Knight | Dec 30, 2016 | Diary |
I haven’t written often enough lately. I mean, really written. Sure, all the one-liner surface stuff is out there on Facebook, Twitter, what-have-you, but none of the real gut-wrenching, honest, noisy, inner-child mind has been kept, well, too inner-ly.
And to share this. Some of this. At least on paper. Can be. Pause… Let me rephrase — to write this down somewhere will be therapeutic. There is way too much going on, and I need to find some balance. It has always been about this. And somewhere along the way, I have forgotten. And its time to recenter.
So, I’m going to try this – break out of this shell, and blog for seven days. Push for some momentum, and maybe by the end of this exercise, I’ll regain some sense of balance. Or at least in the direction towards balance. For the next seven days, no matter how long, or how short, I’ll sit directly in front of you as though you asked me, “How was your day Peter? Tell me something about how things went — about how things really went, for you?”
And I’ll be honest…
by Peter Knight | Dec 21, 2016 | Life Record |
Every year it seems, right around this time, I find the time to revamp the website. Give it a fresh new coat of paint they say. This year is no different. Therapeutically so…
Previously, I had dreams of grandeur where I thought it may be a great idea for this site to be a platform to host some songs, share some souvenirs, a little bit of this, a little bit of that. And as it turns out, I get so overwhelmed and overloaded by the days’ events, I forget that outrageousthoughts.com was really always been a place where I should’ve written down my thoughts. So, I’ve simplified things (for now), until I can get my act together.
Anyhow, it was always meant for recording my thoughts really — and therapeutically so, I miss this and need this tremendously.
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