Bloggish Day 1 — As we’re in the midst of our Christmas holiday, we’re visiting my family in New York City, and we usually play tourists. We ventured to Rockefeller Center and Times Square and it was a tough trek. We’re no longer New Yorkers and it’s just cumbersome to wear layers of sweaters and coats, while keeping mind of two children in twenty degree weather, navigating through swarms of other people doing the same. It’s easy to get stressfully lost and distracted in the crowd. But one has to keep their head on straight, I’m the parent after all – ultimate caregiver and provider of food and shelter.

At this one point, after hustling through crowds, feeling the perspiration build up behind my neck, all while alike a salmon swimming upstream, we suddenly spotted the Disney store. As difficult as it was to pry open the heavy doors, we all just tumbled inside like flopping fish on land.

Breathe.

“Let’s go upstairs! C’mon! C’mon! C’mon!” Julian yelled in glee, as he spotted the escalator. Looking at the rest of the family, they just sighed and ignored anything and everything. We were just content being there. Still. For a few moments.

“C’mon Da(bb)y!” he called again where “Dabby” was his recent nickname for me. “Okay, let’s go,” I replied. I figured instead of ignoring his pleas, he was just being excited. But I was honestly just out of breath.

We got on the escalator and I was able to grab a few moments. “Julian,” I asked, “What do you think will be up here?”

What he mentioned in the next few seconds just made so much sense to me – an enlightenment? You see, I never ventured out to be a parent. It wasn’t all on purpose. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t against anything. I just never proactively pursued parenthood. I guess I was just one of those that went with the flow. Want to have kids? Sure. How difficult could it be? It is seriously difficult. But it is seriously rewarding. I never would have thought that I would ever be so responsible for another person. That so much would be riding on me. But suddenly to realize that maybe I did some good here, makes it all worthwhile. Just to see the happiness in their eyes during moments like these. I would never trade this for anything…

“…I don’t know Da(bb)y,” Julian seemed content while we rode up the escalator answering my question, “I just wanted to be with you. Thank you Da(bb)y for bringing us here. I know you are tired, and I am too excited. But you are a good Da(bb)y and you take good care of me.”