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This is no secret to my friends; I sometimes do not think before I speak or act.  Often times, this gets me in trouble.  I used to be accused of being insensitive.  There is one problem with that.  Often times, when one is being insensitive, he or she is aware of the subject matter, or what feelings he or she is romping over another person’s.  Here is another fact that is known by a few of my friends.  I, truly, absolutely, head-over-heels-like, uncontrollably, borderline obsessively, adore Jennifer Aniston.

Situated between my two friends, Alex and Julie, we watched the silver screen flick frame after frame of Jennifer Aniston.  The movie “Picture Perfect” opened up about a week ago, and it has taken me this long to persuade my friends to come with me to watch it.   As you can imagine, I was very excited.  And, as you know, I like to express myself at times no matter where I am; even if this means I am in a movie theatre.  Imagine this, there I sat, viewing Jennifer for a couple of hours, my daydreams matching the actual visual stimulation.  You would think that I would like to express this newfound happiness.  And, you are correct.  Let me rephrase that, I like to redistribute my excitement among my colleagues and have it reflected back, therefore, rejoicing among the synergistic comraderies for appreciation of true beauty.  This is a good thing: A unity of euphoria, if you may.  During the movie, I made statements such as, “Look at her.  She’s excellent!  Oh!  How adorable,” and, “I love it when she makes that look.  Yes!  Just like that.”

Little did I know that there is only one small problem with this celebrant approach.

Now, this is how a man thinks; a unity of minds and matters.  I have found that time and time again.  When a man makes suggestions such as this, it is meant to encourage a non-competitive environment.  It is recognition of being part of a greater whole.  What I am stating is, “Yes.  There is another pretty person.  Look how pretty that person is too.”

What I have come to realize is this celebrant approach for unison is not, has never been, and will never be, acceptable among women.  Hear my warning, do not perform this act of unity among woman, or when a woman is present.  Men, think of my sacrifice as a lesson for all, and us as a species will live again for another day, free of pain.  Women, you are right, Jennifer is nothing more than just make-up and mirrored illusions fed to the general public, especially men, to do nothing more than to collect those filthy papers that reside inside your wallets, called money.

I have included a picture of her here for your disapproval.  Men, please send credit card orders to outrageousthoughts at gmail dot com.

 
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