2.4.99
Mood—Still Stressed. But breaking ground.
Tensions rose at work. I didn't worry about the customer demo as much as my current task at hand-fixing the imaging algorithm. As the week progressed, so did the attention regarding the algorithm, from many sources ranging from management here in Rochester and the co-development team based in Dallas. All is fine though, for my grandiose debugging efforts have trimmed the problem down in scale.
Elizabeth noticed my attitude change as the week progressed. Initially, I was sort of sour, but soon after, I became very driven. Usually, she is very supportive, and she mostly was, but there was something lingering in her attitude.
On Monday, I promised I would bathe Beejing when I returned home from work. It was my turn. I wound up working a little later than usual during a hefty debugging session. After about an hour, I felt my stomach grumble and wound up emailing home the culprit files hoping to continue working there instead. Again, feeling slightly aggravated, I left.
Entering the house, Elizabeth was waiting for me, reaching out for a hug. Standing beside her was a damp curly dog. We hugged and I thanked her gratefully. I informed her about the work I had to do tonight. She smiled and told me she would make me dinner and I should proceed to the study room to start. Although she was being nice, for some reason, she seemed to be overly supportive. I just went with it.
Later that night, after completion of work, the evening seemed to progress as it normally would. We sat by the television and chatted once in a while. Something we were watching angered her. She instantaneously started picking on me stating that I was too messy and grew angrier. Tempers flared for a few moments and dissipated after calm moments of silence.
The following few evenings were similar where she found certain aspects of me annoying to her. For the most part, I felt the lashes, but felt it was better just ignore them.
She played a game on the computer last night. I asked her if I could interrupt and type up a letter. I had to mail a money order and wanted to include an accompanying letter. She stated that I need not include a letter. I told her that I should include a letter just to insure that the money order gets processed correctly. She charged off to the bathroom mumbling under her breath.
Afterwards, she attempted to study, then headed to bed. I looked at the time and it noted 10:33; much too early. I decided to check if she was alright. I laid down next to her and reached over to give her a hug. Let me go, she snapped. Let me go, I mean it. These were the last words she shuttered out before stomping out of the room.
Ten minutes had passed and it occurred to me that she was not coming back. I got up, walked over to the other room and knocked on the door-no answer. Trying to turn the knob, I noticed she had locked the door. I knocked again, but there was still no answer. I returned back to the bedroom. A few minutes later, I grew frustrated pondering over what could be wrong. Growing impatient, I proceeded downstairs to the toolbox, retrieved a small screwdriver, came back up, and diligently started working the lock. With a slight shift, the knob finally turned. Opening the door slowly, I saw her sitting in a chair weeping quietly to herself. What's wrong, I asked. Leave me alone, she answered. Please go away. I just want to be left alone tonight.
Feeling slightly exhausted, the inquiry seemed purposeless and I found myself retreating back to the study. I sat in the dimly lit room pondering what was the reason behind all of this. There was no rationale to this. There's a piece missing. All week long, she has been picking on me about this and that, as though everything was bad, when nothing really is. All this, a surprise to me, because everything before had been nice and calm, and normal. A sudden snap and I still did not understand the reason why.
Quietly, she opened the door. I could see her silhouette. She walked over to me and stood there silently. Her expression was stiff. Giving way slightly, she knelt down and rested her arms across my legs, looking up to me, her eyes dampened in tears. I have been thinking, her voice soft yet direct, I thought I could move up here and be with you, but I miss my family and friends way too much. Up here, I have nothing. I am just not sure of matters anymore. I need some time to think. She paused, I'm sorry.
My heart sunk. There was silence.