Outrageous Thoughts of Babble
by Peter Knight
12/15/98 7:15 PM – Awakening on board US Air Flight 692 headed from Pittsburgh to Dallas, I do feel better. My lack of sleep is slightly satisfied and I feel more rational.
Earlier today, before flying out, I went home for Liz wanted to give me a lift to the airport. It was a more joyous event. Actually, I should state that she accepted that I was going on a business trip, so she figured she should be nice to me – shed the guilt trips. We spent some more time cleaning up Beejing and off to the airport we went.
WARNING <serious stuff ahead>
12/18/98 – One concern that was raised on this lack of sleep exercise is my issue of over-caring; primarily, noting the scope of my responsibilities. Yes, it is my responsibility to hold civil relations. But, numerous relationships has taught me that it was not my responsibility to "ensure" the happiness of others; "influence" – yes. "ensure" – no.
With the previous mentioned, I do believe that relationships have been the heart of my life’s hardest lessons so far. I have had to deal with lessons in trust and true partnerships.
I do consider myself a later bloomer. I started truly dating while I was in college, therefore, handicapped from the start. I needed to trudge through adolescent lessons of dating from my late teens through early twenties. I acknowledge I was the cause of some of the lessons learned. But, I have also the opportunity of knowing what it feels like to put the key in the door, walking into an apartment, and noticing the woman who was to be the closest to my ever-intimate being, wearing nothing but a tee-shirt and panties cuddled on the couch against another man. Shocked feeling frozen and numb, all I could do was retreat back out the door. Three still frames remain in my mind of her approaching me bearing her own shocked expression asking nothing other than what I was doing home early from work.
That was then. The present is different. The cast of people is different. Myself, have been modified and upgraded.
I have moved onward. I have grown. I have chosen to progress, and yes, it is by choice, for I have seen many that choose not to. And, I state the previous, not to brag, but to share—because for me, it was not only to better myself, but at times, it truly meant the difference between sanity and insanity. And, I wanted to survive.
Today, I hold a relationship with a woman whom I truly love – and who truly loves me. All who have been keeping up with the entries have read about her, Liz, an amazing person. Beside our wonderful aspects we both have our little quirks. And, we trudge along together. That’s nice.
Okay, probably a little bit more about me than you really wanted to know. Next time, I will be more cheerful.
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