Outrageous Thoughts of Babble
by Peter Knight12.15 .98 Today
Something just does not feel right. I leave for Dallas in a couple of hours and something just does not feel right.
I have to be in Dallas for work. I have nothing against business trips. Actually, I like them to a certain degree. One gets to travel and experience different lands. Of course, this is assuming there is enough time in the schedule for leisurely activities. There will not be much time in this trip – its only a two-day, work late, rush rush, type of trip.
But, something is looming nonetheless – an unidentifiable feeling of irritability.
A few days ago, Liz told me she was not happy about this trip. She would miss me. That is sweet. I will miss her too. She told me she did not want me to go. I told her I must go. She understands. It is just for a couple of days. But, once in a while, she throws a jab, as though I were abandoning her, which I am not. I feel more so as though I was caught in the middle. On the other hand, she knows that I am not resistant to travel; and I like it. But my mind knows that it is not a choice between her and something else. I will miss her too. After all, she is my companion – And I am happy for that. Note – I am not saying that she is wrong: Actually, if roles were reversed, I would have similar feelings as her. Therefore, I totally understand. Which translates to my helpless feeling of just empathizing.
Anyhow, last night, the night before I was to embark on my journey where everything were to be peaceful, Liz and I were awoken by the painful cries of our nine-month old puppy, Beejing. Poor boy seems to have been inflicted by some sort of stomach virus. Things do not seem to stay down, or in. It’s not very common behavior, for he usually sleeps through the night okay, but not last night.
We awoke about 2:16 in the morning, and found ourselves tiredly cleaning up after and fatiguely walking Beejing – no fun. I fumbled back to sleep worrying about assorted things and remembered looking at the clock as it read 3:06. Later, at five something, we were awoken again to the cries. But, we also understood that there was nothing that we could do – so we opted to stay in bed until our common waking time of 7:03, when I realized that my mind had cycled through a series of fever-like repetitive nightmares.
The day started off in a rush where Liz and I performed our cleanup and walk the pain stricken dog. Understandably, she was not very happy about the situation. Nor, was she happy about the fact that I had to travel for work.
Today, I walk in a trance, irritable, with the knowledge of an unhappy significant other, a puppy in pain, and knowing that I have to be on a plane at 4:01. I can compare the feelings to an oncoming fever, where things are just out of reach, I run to chase it, but having things extend further away – it seem to surround me today. People who have known me for a while know that I may sometimes care for things too much – to "over" care. Although I tend to hide it, I do feel guilty when I cannot tend to things; especially when it comes to a significant other. I know that all cannot be tended to, but I also understand my sense of responsibility, and just cannot toss it aside.
I need sleep. I need to work. I need to tend to things in my personal life.-Peter
PS – I’ll update the front page sometime later…